Noel Gallagher vs Coke

Noel Gallagher Says: Drink Pepsi For Better Dental Health!
Noel Gallagher Says: Drink Pepsi For Better Dental Health!

Let me start by saying, happy birthday Noel Gallagher.  May the next 44 years of your life be somewhat devoid of broken ribs caused by fans hiding out during the installation of the staging in venues you play at in Toronto only to wait until the song “What’s the Story Morning Glory” to emerge and push you over into your monitors… as your first 44 years have been.

Today is Noel Gallagher‘s birthday, like I said before, but it’s also this day back in 1886 that chemist John Pemberton had the very first ads for his new creation published in the Atlanta Journal.  That creation was a little something called Coca-Cola or Coke as American executives in the 80s renamed it because words with hyphens are far too South-American (citation needed).  Now say what you want about Noel Gallagher, but apparently since 1998, the guy hasn’t touched the stuff.  He has said, and I quote from his own website:

“Coke itself isn’t that bad. It just makes you drink more and that’s the worst drug there is – especially when you’re surrounded by people whose psychosis sets in the more they drink.”  – Noel Gallagher

Breaking down that comment we can only assume that Noel is saying that: Coke, though not that bad, makes you want to drink more Coke which is “the worst drug there is” then causes psychosis.  Makes sense to me considering Coke is caffinated and therefore will dehydrate you causing you to, as Noel pointed out, “drink more” and psychosis just obviously follows in there.  But his rather flippant stance towards Coke might need a second look considering the underlying grudge he may actually hold against said soft drink.

On 1994s “Definitely Maybe” the song “Shakermaker” was deemed to have a vocal melody too close to “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing (In Perfect Harmony)” which was a Coca-cola commercial campaign song in the 1970s and so the band was successfully sued for $500,000 US.  When questioned about the whole ordeal, Noel joked to reporters “Now we all drink Pepsi.”

Logic now leads me to believe that between 1994-1998, Noel Gallagher was secretly drinking Coke after he had sworn it off.  It pains me to think of Guigsy and Bonehead sitting there, parched after a particularly strenuous Oasis live show whereby they were both pushed on to their own monitors by totally sane people, and all they want is a Coke but the official Oasis rider states specifically PEPSI PRODUCTS IN THE GREEN ROOM ONLY.  Meanwhile, Noel Gallagher is in the toilet guzzling copious amounts of Coke because only Coke can satisfy a Coked up Gallagher Brother sized thirst.

Maybe the strangest twist to this already Red Vines* shaped story is that in 1966 the Coca-Cola company started distributing a new non-carbonated soft drink called, yep, Oasis.

*Red Vines and Coke is rumoured not to be crazy delicious.

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